OK..let me try again lol...due to my total incompetence...I lost the draft to this post. I was just at "and so it goes" :-( and pooof!
I was really stressed yesterday...worrying about this evenings party. Now in my more lucid moments I realize it will turn out fine.
A few of my closer friends understand that my social anxiety rules everything in the coming situation. Yesterday Ling came to where I was 'hiding'...She spent nearly an hour chatting with me while I was working on getting music URLs together for this eves party. Just letting me know that "A" everything would be fine...and "B' if there was a glitch, she would help.
A bit later, I reluctantly went to Grendels Children to look for a costume...got tunnel vision and had to ask Poly to come and find what I was looking for. Later she came back to Benares and helped calm me down. She said many of the same things I heard from Ling. That all this will work out fine...and that she will be there *just in case*.
My costume...I'm going to give myself up here. I'm going to be behind the DJ table as a very large black widow spider. OK OK OK...I know it's creepy. Come on....it's Halloween. I also understand a lot about me...the costume is in a way a defense mechanism...yup..I'm a little loose in my loafers=^..^=
Power...or the lack thereof..
As a Buddhist, and as a recovering alcoholic and drug addict I understand a lot about powerlessness. There is a potential emotional trap here for me in Secondlife though...it's a trap I see quite a few fall into. You see as an estate owner I have absolute power over my estate. Power that is so easy to convince myself is real. Whether our get together this evening succeeds or fails...I am powerless....and that's as it should be.
There is a quotation on the east side of the telehub at Benares. "Where love reigns, there is no will to power...And where the will to power is paramount...Love is lacking".
Secondlife and Love...
Secondlife is very funny in so many ways...I came to explore a new world...to have the opportunity to be anything or anybody I wanted to be. I loved the part that absolutely no one would have any preconceived ideas about me...that no one would be able to say "Yes, but I remember when you did *X*". Here it is two and a half years later...and people are able to say *I remember when you did so and so*.... The difference is that today I'm proud of what I have done.
Those that honour me by reading what I write know I am totally in love with Secondlife...and what we have at Benares. I came here alone...perhaps a little more alone than some of you. I found real relationships here...I found a family that cares about how I feel...about my fears...about my joys. Was all this available before Secondlife? Sure. But Secondlife has given me the key.
My great hope is that each of you finds the joy and love I have found at this wonderful experiment I chose to call Benares nearly two years ago.
And so it goes
I love you all, brinda