"Listen with an open mind, but don't try to remember this stuff. There's no quiz at the end." Jack Kornfield

Friday, January 28, 2011

Men, Women, & Civil Frogs...

******************************Where we come from****************************** ****************************************************************************

Recently I did a post on civility and how the anonymity of the Internet provides a platform for many to do and say things on line that they wouldn't likely do face to face. That post got a comment from Paisley Beebe... and that in turn got me to reading a blog co written by she and Bliss Windlow, " Women That Dance With Frogs". Our revolving comments soon turned to another kind of civility... and that was how women, and men, act in virtual worlds. Basically, in many ways, we act out the much of the same scenarios in virtual worlds that we do offline, except.... those civil inhibitions are missing. Men, particularly new comers to virtual worlds tend to choose avatar shapes that look more like the Incredible Hulk than Woody Allen. They tend to be very forward and blunt about asking for sexual favors... my suspicion is that the embarrassment of rejection is mitigated by simply logging off as well as the danger of a physical confrontation with a boyfriend, father, husband, brother is missing.

Women have struggled for millennia to achieve being recognized as equals... to be recognised for achievements rather than looks or what sexual favor that could be provided. And yet in virtual worlds, particularly newcomers seem to allow promiscuity free rein. I suppose it's a form of role play... the chance to do some of those things that would be terribly unsafe in real life. It is rather odd that given a chance to achieve so much of the respect that is often difficult to attain in the life where we sleep, so many women simply perpetuate the status quo.

This last couple of weeks I've been trying something a little different, I'm mentoring a couple of new guys. These last three years I've primarily worked with women, but it's occurred to me that if I was successful in dealing not only with men during my last twenty working years, but military officers, I should be just as successful here. My philosophy? Simple... act responsibly, set distinct boundaries, say what you mean, mean what you say, and don't say it mean.

And so it goes

My love to you all, brinda




  1. Actually Brinda I wonder if having teens amongst us will make us less promiscuous..funny how we soon realise that we also can't hide behind our avatars, our avatars are us....

  2. i used to have this problem all the time but i haven't in quite a while. perhaps it's because i usually don't hang out in places where these kinds of noobs are. also, i think it's possible to give off a vibe that says "behave yourself." this vibe seems to even work across the virtual membrane.

  3. Ooooh Brinda I love the switch in your approach .. would love to hear your comments and observations after some time here with mentoring men - differences, successes, etc .. keep us posted!