"Listen with an open mind, but don't try to remember this stuff. There's no quiz at the end." Jack Kornfield

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Being One of the "Big Kids" Sucks Sometimes...

When we are very young we so wish we were all grown up... To be those big kids that get to, "Do what they want". Who knows why, but I spent so many years after I was chronologically an adult desperately attempting to avoid growing up. Guessing that since pretty much all that read this are legally adults, you all understand that a part of being one of those big kids, the adults, means that there comes a time when you as the adult get to make decisions that are painful. I've had to make a couple of decisions in the last two days that I didn't want to make. When I decided to buy this estate I knew that the tech details were beyond my capabilities, but one of those people that had come to Secondlife with me promised me that she would stay here and run this place until I could. She kept that promise and recently told me that she had known when it was time for her to go. Today I also understand that for me to grow she had to force me to learn... and I did. About that same time another person entered my life in this world we call Secondlife. That person took over my education and in this last 18 months I have learned more than I thought was possible, and will be forever grateful for both the education as well as the friendship and companionship that was so freely given. Certainly acting like an adult means to me that I need to be mindful of managing all the aspects of my life... including the folly of paying another to do those things I'm capable of doing. I have ran Benares at a loss since day one... that's my fault and really there's nothing as far as the financial past I'd want to change. But for us to grow means I need to do things differently now. My friends contribution to this place we call Benares can't be over stated, both from a technical standpoint and from an esthetic one. The esthetic part became obvious just a bit ago (Saturday evening) as well as perhaps the pain that my decisions have made. In redoing parcel boundaries I screwed up and reclaimed the wrong section first and my friends house and a lot of objects returned... normally with Emerald this isn't a big deal, you just "restore to last location". As I watched though, my friend just systematically "took" the rest of the objects... that left not only an empty parcel, a parcel that was always a place of incredible beauty and art, but an empty place in my heart. Growing up isn't all I thought it was all those years ago when, "the big kids", got to do just as they pleased. Poly, Ling....all I can say is that this makes none of us happy right now... But I'm desperately trying to be grown up. And so it goes I do love and care for all of you, brinda Namaste नमस्ते

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