"Listen with an open mind, but don't try to remember this stuff. There's no quiz at the end." Jack Kornfield

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

What is the cost of love?

Ive settled down a bit since my post of yesterday, not much, but today I'm a bit more rational.
A young man ended up paying the ultimate price for his inability to deal successfully with his personal identity issues (never mind his attempting to deal with the betrayal he must have felt from the way his father treated him)
Some of his story is mine as well... I too learned early on to "just go numb"... they beat you, you don't cry- you go silent. It's too late for sympathy for that young man, and I'm not looking for sympathy... what I do want is to bring something to the table of public discourse.

I've sat here for several moments trying to find a way to link this terrible story to virtual worlds... it's not possible for me. Nothing I could say would do anything but diminish the absolute  horror that was perpetrated those many years ago. In real life I can tell you that there can be a very real large price we all pay when children are treated with a lack of love and understanding. In my case the tax payer and society at large paid a very large monetary price. My behaviours over thirty plus years cost in excess of one million US dollars in court costs and resources spent in incarceration, never mind the cost to society in general with disruption.

My only link from this post to virtual worlds I guess is this....
People I deal with everyday love me...
People see me as kind and loving, willing to give...
I will never live long enough to repay the debt that my behavior created... but if I don't start now, then when?

And so it goes
I do love you all, brinda


  1. I've known you nearly a year now, and sometimes you've hinted about the events in your past. These last two posts have added another layer to that, and given me a bit more of an understanding of you, so much so that can I ask you this:

    What about the debt that you are owed by society? And if I am understanding right, why do you feel you still have to pay the price that your behaviour at the time created? Have you not done that already? Didn't you pay that price when you learned as a youngster to "just go numb"?

  2. Alex dear... thank you.
    I may not be qualified to judge that.
    Perhaps the day my ashes slip into the waters of the sacred Ganga I will know.
    Until then the love I'm shown at Benares makes everything OK.